Columbia Ski Club Presents:
Trip Dates: August 10-14, 2000.
Photos Posted: September 3, 2000
Hey, mon! Don't be givin' me no long story.
I just want to see de photos.
Narrative by Trip Leader Benita K, Assistant Ken S, Rich V, and Glen S.
Photos mainly by Rich and Glen; some by Benita and Ken.
Web pages and effects by Ken S.
Many thanks to Gary P. for scanning 37 photos!
Our fantastic trip to Jamaica began on Thursday, August 10, 2000
with a 3-hour flight delay.
No problem, mon! Here's a voucher for breakfast.
The flight itself
was quite pleasant; Air Jamaica provides reasonable meals and free
drinks including champagne. We arrived at
Montego Bay, one of the two
Jamaican airports, in mid afternoon. Our bags were placed on a bus
that took us to Ocho Rios, about a two-hour ride through severe
poverty -- run-down, patchwork houses that were little more than shacks
with what appeared to be dirt floors (hey, it saves on vacuuming).
Even the fields were depressing -- cows were grazing on brownish-green
grass that looked too sparse. En route, we passed
IRIE FM,
the main Reggae music station and towns with street names that bespoke
their British heritage.
As we approached
Ocho Rios, the shoreline and scenary improved dramatically.
There are some
breath-taking views
of the resort with the
ocean. We arrived at the
Renaissance Jamaica Grande Resort
around 5:00 pm. What a magnificent first impression it made! The
hotel lobby [QuickTime VR]
is a huge open air veranda with 50-foot ceiling, lush vegetation,
faux waterfall and bridge, and, much to our appreciation, a convenient bar
which overlooked the clear blue ocean.
While we waited in line to check in, Benita said she'd treat us all to a round
of drinks. [Nice try, B! We knew the all-inclusive package included unlimited
drinks and food!]
The Jamaica Grande is a
very upscale resort with lots of
amenities,
not to mention
amazing ocean views.
Five restaurants are on the resort grounds: Italian, Chinese, a fabulous buffet,
Cool Runnings (seafood), and a cafe that was open 24-7.
Oh, yes, and let's not forget 8 bars; we managed to visit every one.
If you have the time, be sure to check out the
2 professional videos (4 minutes each,
RealPlayer or Windows Media Player); they'll give you a great overview
of the hotel and the entire island!
As you might imagine, Appleton Jamaica Rum
is the major ingredient in
most drinks.
Vodka is also a big favorite. In fact, when Benita graduated
from Diet Coke, she discovered a great fondness for
Vodka; her
favorite drink was
Purple Rain
[alternate high-octane recipe].
e told her Vodka was one of the four
major food groups, but she didn't buy that. Ken and Rich sampled all of the dozen
specialty drinks over the course of their stay.
Glen was the Red Stripe Beer man all the way.
Our first night's dinner and entertainment was an outdoor cookout on the
beach, complete with
jerk chicken
[Editor's Note: this is not chicken with a low IQ],
many types of exotic foods that we couldn't always identify,
sugarcane [you chew
it and don't swallow the pulp], fruits, salads, and so on. Hundreds of people
were there. The evening's entertainment consisted of a mix of amazing
dancers and acrobats. Can you say
Limbo Rock? Conga line?
Hotel guests were encouraged to join some interesting
and somewhat risque dance contests. I think it was the folks from Wales that won.
We joined a long and boisterous conga line for awhile. Sorry the photos
didn't turn out well for this event.
The next morning, we spent some time going over
our many activity options.
On the first daytime outing, we went on the free glass bottom boat tour of
the Ocho Rios bay and coral reef. Although the photos weren't too clear
because the water was a bit murky that morning, it was enjoyable.
The guides passed around a creature called a
sea egg that looked like
a cross between a snowball marshmallow cake and a porcupine, with a handy
combination mouth and anus. The creatures hundreds of tiny chocolate-sprinkle-like
feelers moved in anxiety as it found itself facing 20 giant creatures with
two arms and two legs. We returned it to its sea world. A guide dove into the
water, found some food for the fish, and proceeded to feed the fish directly
under the glass bottom. Major photo op. Except ours didn't come out too good.
That night, we went on a fabulous two-hour sunset cruise that was made all
the more enjoyable by an ample supply of
rum punch (feelin' no pain, mon).
We could have used more tourists, but the 10 or so of us were joined by the
members of the crew to mix things up a bit. The double-decker boat could have
carried about 100 people. The top deck was completely open to the elements;
we enjoyed the sea breeze almost as music as the reggae music blasting from large
speakers on the starboard and port sides (right and left).
Benita looked like a movie star, poised
on the bench in her short white shorts, white coverall, bikini, sunglasses, and wide-brimmed
straw hat, her long black hair blowing in the wind.
Ken, Rich, and Glen all sported
their colorful attire.
Rich lit up one of his
Cuban cigars and passed it around
to anyone who wanted it.
Glen was on the make.
Ken became so -- how shall we
say it? -- uninhibited -- that he got into
dancing with abandon
with the male crew members. He especially enjoyed dancing with one local who
was missing a few teeth and was high as a kite on
ghanja.
Rich and Glen were indoctrinated into the
latest dance craze called something
like "1 Cent, 5 Cent, 10 Cent, a Dollar", a catchy little number
that involves lots of hip and pelvic thrust, something that
Rich enjoyed so much it has become part of his way of life.
This photo of
Rich "dollaring" with a very agile and willing female crew member
will attest to the dance's charm. Benita turned down most dance offers,
much to the disappointment of the Marylanders and Jamaican men alike.
She wanted to play photographer. The photos of
Rich, Glen, and Ken dancing with the crew
are her handiwork.
One nice thing about Jamaica is the friendliness of the locals who always
want to sell you something. When Glen and Rich wandered into town one night,
they were constantly being offered drugs (anything you want, mon) and solicited
for sex (anything you want, hon'). When he went shopping, Ken was only offered drugs
much to his chagrin.
Benita managed to get hit on nearly every day by the local talent in the
brief intervals that she was not accompanied by one of her male harem.
Several nights we went to the main dance spot, called Jamaic'n Me Crazy.
They play an interesting mix of 70's to 90's dance tunes (not too different
from the mix we heard at the April ski club dance), but also with -- surprise --
some reggae. Ken, Benita, and Rich had a great time dancin' up a storm.
Our all-inclusive drink deal covered us in the club which was part of the
resort. Like many clubs, it was dead until 10:30 or so and then went to the
wee hours of the morning -- too wee for most of us. I think Rich got to
practice his
"1 Cent, 5 Cent, 10 Cent, a Dollar" dance.
We spent several hours on a bus tour of Ocho Rios (which means "Eight Rivers")
which for the first 2 hours was mostly stopping at
several tourist-oriented
shopping areas
(mostly open air). To say that the
sellers were aggressive would be a serious understatement. They descended on
us poor defenseless Americans like vultures, using the Divide and Conquer
technique. Compliments and appeals such as "You gotta get this for
your beautiful wife" (forget about the fact that I was alone at the time
and have no wedding ring) were frequent. They were more than willing to
fan you in the heat while you sampled their products which were very much the
same from stall to stall. Benita was told "The more you smile,
the better your price." Ken was offered drugs and pipes.
The tour also stopped in a
botanical garden with lush foliage including
aromatic plants such as [with wonderful smells from leaves we crushed].
The garden had a small but picturesque waterfall.
It was also close to Mick Jagger's vacation home which we got
an all-too-quick glimpse of from the road.
Lots more great photo ops.
The last stop on the Ocho Rios bus tour, and certainly the highlight event,
was the lovely and impressive
Dunns River Falls.
It's located about 2 miles from Ocho Rios near an adandoned bauxite mine
that appeared in the first James Bond movie,
Dr. No. (There's a James Bond Beach nearby also.
For Jamaica Bond tunes, see Tunes and Stuff.)
Dunns River Falls is about a 900-foot climb (after a similar walk down stairs to the base).
There's almost a constant stream
of tourists forming human chains, stepping carefully over the wet rocks.
It's nearly impossible to not get
soaking wet, but that's part of the charm,
and it felt great on such a hot day.
As you can see from the photo, we had a great time; there were many photo ops
along the way, but guides held all of the cameras. We even sprang for a 15-minute
videotape of the climb for $30. Let's see: If we get 100 people in the club to see
it and charge 30 cents admission....
When we returned to the resort there was more water play in the pools, with a Benita vs.
Rich race. It's questionable who the real winner was; we think Rich let her win.
Benita looked hot, hot, hot in her cheetah bikini.
Unfortunately, she wouldn't let us include that bathing suit in any of the Web photos.
Speaking of bikinis, as Ken and Glen were frolicking in the ocean, Ken noticed a shapely young
woman walking into the ocean in what appeared to be either the sheerest
bikini top ever or perhaps no bikini top at all. Glen confirmed it was the latter.
Needless to say, this piqued the boys' curiosity. Had she lost the top?
Was she in need of money to purchase a new one? Inquiring "minds"
wanted to know! A little later, Ken approached her as she was sunning herself
and complimented her on her appearance, choice of alternate beach attire,
and guttsiness. She thanked him for the compliment and he "walked" away.
A few minutes later, the hotel security guard came and told her she must put
on her top or go to Hedonism II
resort which has a different
clothing optional policy.
Benita and Rich signed up for
scuba diving.
It was Benita's first time,
but Rich has done about 25 dives and is certified. There was a 2-hour lesson in the
pool followed by a 1-hour dive. They saw rainbow fish,
blue fish, angel fish,
and the Benita Fish, a rare species that Rich captured on film.
For one tense moment, Benita thought she was going to drown because her air
gauge was upside down. Rich came to the rescue and turned the gauge over.
Tragedy averted! Benita was
pre-occupied with breathing
since she was a first-time
diver. But now that's she learned she can breath underwater, we think we'll
see the Return of Benita Fish before too long.
Glen and Ken went snorkling while the others were scuba diving.
Glen had a great time
going out to the reef. Ken admits he isn't much of a swimmer,
so he hung close to the boat. It was his first time snorkling and he
swallowed so much salt water, he wasn't in need of lunch.
While Ken, Benita, and Rich para sailed (below),
Glen did some kayaking.
One night we decided to signup for the singles group. When we showed up at
8 pm, we discovered we were the entire group. Our host was a well-spoken, nice looking
young local stud named Jerome. He took us to the Italian restaurant. After
a 45 minute wait for a table, we discovered that he had neglected to tell
the hostess to put our names down for a table. Glen couldn't wait so he
tackled the Cabaret Buffet. The others finished tar and feathering Jerome
just in time to finally get a table. We're happy to report that the meal
was worth the wait, and so was the wine. Plus Jerome gave us an interesting
insight into the islanders' view of poverty. It turns out the shack dwellers we had seen
were not the really poor ones. The people that work at the resorts get
positions based on their education and seniority.
Ken enjoyed para sailing so much, he did it twice in one day. In the morning,
while Benita and Rich were taking scuba lessons, Ken and Glen went out for
a calm-sea boat ride. They were the only two para sailors on this run, so
it was short but ever so sweet. The
takeoff position
is similar to water skiing
except you're on the stern (back) of the boat. A wench pulls you up a few feet
and the wind fills your sail (chute), literally. In less than a minute, you're
about 300 feet above the water
and can't even make out faces on the boat below you.
You're soaring under complete control of the boat crew; you're not supposed to
pull on any of the chords. What an excellent feeling as you whip around the
bay!
In the afternoon, after scuba diving, Benita and Rich wanted to para sail
and Ken was ready for Part 2. (It's $45 for about 10-15 minutes up
in the air.) This time, however, there were about 10 para sailors and
the sea was extremely choppy. We soon were all soaked but we loved it. After about 7
people did their thing, we had to return to the shore to replace a chord
that hangs from the pole. Two drinks later, we finished our para sailing adventure.
The para sailing animation
consists of 11 shots [0.5 MB] of Glen taken by Ken.
The last day, we had only the morning to soak in the sun and play in the
water. While Glen did the tan and beer routine, Benita, Ken, and Rich
tried the aqua bikes. These are bike pedals with a basic steering bar
attached to a surfboard-like base.
Benita and Rich took to the bike fairly easily,
but Ken provided the morning's entertainment as he attempted
-- not altogether successfully -- to balance on the aqua bike.
Rich fell once and so did Benita. Two other guys tried to help Benita
back on, but with water over her head, it was impossible to get back on.
She paddled to shore with her aqua bike in tow.
Okay, we're got more pictures that were hard to fit into the narrative,
so here they are. (They're also all in the slideshow.)
But all things come to an end eventually, and so did our trip.
It was a whirlwind 4-and-a-half days and we could only wish we had a few
more days.
Ken had been worried about the
Ocho Rios weather before our arrival, since
the weather report on the Web read "isolated thunderstorms" every day
for 5 days before the trip. However, we didn't experience any rain at all
unless it came in the middle of the night as we slept soundly after long hard
days of fun and partying.
The two activities that we didn't get to do were horseback riding along
the beach and in the shallow water, and an 18-mile downhill bike tour
of Blue Mountain,
a world-famous coffee plantation with several waterfalls.
So the only regret was that 4-and-a-half days were not enough.
At the post-trip dinner, Benita went all out and served 4 whole lobsters,
stuffed clams, spiced shrimp, salad, and other goodies.
[Her Male Harem supplied gouda cheese and yummy crackers, peach wine,
Appleton Rum and cherry coke, beer, blueberry pie, and gormet chocolate.]
This dinner may have been
bribery to get good trip evaluations and, if so, it worked. The results
below represent a detailed scientific analysis of the 4 forms submitted.
Margin of error: 0.05%. (Yeah, right.)
- overall rating: 5
- travel arrangements: 4
- lodging: 5
- transportation: 4.25
- resort: 5
- next trip ideas: Hawaii, Berlize, Bermuda, Florida, California
Reggae and Related Music
Me gwan n' found dis' interactive map of Jamaica.
She be in
the Caribbean,
you know? What about de'
weather in
Ocho Rios? We gots de' travel
guide for you too. How about de' Virtual Jamaica? High tech dudes? Den
check out de' QTVR tour of
de' rooms and de' lobby and de' pools. Whaddabout trippin' over to
Jamaicans.com for everything
Jamaican? Den you can learn to speak real good
like us. Cuyah, she gwan like she nice
eee?
